I'm in my own way

I think I got in my own way.  That's the conclusion I'm coming to.  Sort of like running a race and just off the starting line getting my shoelaces tangled up.  I've ended up on my face again...but let me back up a bit.

There's a concept out in circles of Christianity that basically says "God is most glorified, when we our most satisfied in Him." Or to put it another way, "The chief end (or purpose) of man is to glorify God by enjoying Him forever."   I pretty much buy into that.  If that doesn't resonate with you, that's fine and you'll probably just want to stop reading here because the rest of my thoughts jump off of that idea.

Here's why I agree with the basic of principles of what's being called "Christian Hedonism."

1.) I agree that God is chiefly(mostly, primarily) concerned with His own glory. (Isa. 48:9, Isa. 26:8,)
2.) I believe that creation (which includes man) exists (primarily) to display that glory. (Ps. 19:1, Luke 19:37-40)
3.) I believe that man was created to desire God and intimacy with Him above all else. (Ps. 42:2)

So to put it plainly, God wants to be glorified and He created us to desire Him, which glorifies Him.
Sorta like that old song "I want you to want me". God wants us to want Him, and here's the kicker...since it's the way we were meant to live, we can only satisfied by God.  But oh what satisfaction! Jesus told the woman at the well, "whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."  HE is our satisfaction. 

So what's my problem then? Well here's what I realized I've been doing lately.  I've been desiring satisfaction and joy FROM God.  I've been spending time in His word and in prayer seeking the satisfaction that comes from intimacy with God.

Did you catch what's wrong with that picture?  I've stopped seeking God for His own sake. I've stopped desiring Him because He's desirable and started using Him as a means to an end...my satisfaction.   See there's a dangerous line here.  My satisfaction and my joy are by-products of a life lived in pursuing God for His own sake.  They are not the goal.  But I've been acting as if they are the goal and using God as the means. Rather, GOD is the goal.  In the words of the missionary David Brainerd "Oh, for more of God in my soul!".  I desire to glorify and magnify God above all!  That should by my aim.

 God, give me a craving and longing for You.  You, who sits enthroned in glory, surrounded in light!  Woe is me, for I am a man of unclean lips.



I'll leave you with this passage from the diary of David Brainerd; it's what I pray will happen in my own life.

"As I was walking in a dark thick grave, "unspeakable glory" seemed to open to the view and apprehension of my soul ... It was a new inward apprehension or view that I had of God; such as I never had before, nor anything that I had the least remembrance of it. So that I stood still and wondered and admired ... I had now no particular apprehension of any one person of the Trinity, either the Father, Son, or Holy Spirit, but it appeared to be divine glory and splendor that I then beheld. And my soul "rejoiced with joy unspeakable" to see such a God, such a glorious divine being, and I was inwardly pleased and satisfied that he should be God over all forever and ever. My soul was so captivated and delighted with the excellency, the loveliness and the greatness and other perfections of God that I was even swallowed up in him, at least to that degree that I had no thought, as I remember at first, about my own salvation or scarce that there was such a creature as I.
Thus the Lord, I trust, brought me to a hearty desire to exalt him, to set him on the throne and to "seek first his Kingdom," i.e. principally and ultimately to aim at his honor and glory as the King and sovereign of the universe, which is the foundation of the religion of Jesus ... I felt myself in a new world (pp. 138-140)."